You know what is scary? I was in love with a girl once. I was going to commit my entire life to her. I was so sure of everything. I thought I couldn’t live without her. I wanted a life with her. A forever with her. I wanted that for six years. And now I look back and I wonder what the fuck I was ever thinking. I’m happy she is no longer in my life. Two years ago I was so sure I needed her. But now I don’t even remember what her voice sounds like.
It’s scary because right now, I am thinking I can’t live without you. I want to spend my entire life with you. I don’t want to imagine a life without waking up next to you. I don’t want to imagine a life where at 4:07 pm I don’t get a call from you telling me about how bad that last customer smelled or how the truck In front of you is going 60 miles an hour in the fast lane. I don’t want to imagine a life where at 4:52 you’re not walking through the front door of the house we live in together yelling at your son to stop jumping on you for the 10th time in the last 30 seconds before walking over to me, kissing me, grabbing your phone and blasting Cardi B so I don’t hear you poop. I look forward to every day because I get to spend it with you.
But I know this is reality. I know that not everything lasts forever and I am taking advantage of every moment i can with you because I just don’t know when one day we’ll wake up and it’ll be different. I know we can’t promise forever with each other. forever is a long time and I can’t be selfish. But god, I wish we could promise forever. I would take a forever with you. I would take it in every life I had. If I could, I would find you in every life, over and over again.
I don’t ever want to think about how much I used to love you. I just want to love you.
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